rscrash94 - Recently Updated Pages

Ongoing story blah blah crap

rscrash94 — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:23:44 CST

Follow this link to get to my story:http://rscrash94.proboards92.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=story&thread=1193242356

It rox your sox!

Um... lol?

Videos

rscrash94 — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 14:20:40 CST

Sinden's Haven of Chinese Thunder Tricks

rscrash94 — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 15:32:39 CST

I'm Bob Sinden...

Well, actually i'm not...

My name is too dangerous for anyone to know so for now just call me Bob or Tetloca...

Yeeeesss...
Oh...
Before anything...
This website contains language in the videos especially the Star Wars gangsta rap...
And...
In the jokes a little bit...
And...
If this website offends you in anyway...
You better shut up and why are you on this website anyway...
I don't even like you...
You're stupid...

Don't be stupid...

I'm a banana...

I don't even like bananas...

Are you just gonna stand there like a lemon?

Ok...

By this point you may be thinking that this is pure nonsense and you've got better things to be doing...

Well don't leave just yet...

Yes...

You may have better things to be doing but don't do them...

At the moment I have got jokes and videos on this website and you can access them by clicking on their page names up on the navigation bit...

If you don't know where that is...

well that's you're fault isn't it...

No...

I'll tell you because i'm nice...

Sometimes...

It is right at the top left hand space next to the 'hello' smileys...

There you go...

Now...

You may want to know a bit about me...

Do you?

Really?

Don't joke about this kind of stuff...

Do you truthfully want to know about me?

Well...

Curiosity killed the cat...

But unless you're a cat I don't think it will kill you...

It may kill the following though:

Any breed of cat (including lions, tigers, panthers etc.)...

Sumichrast's vesper rat...

Northern pygmy mouse...

Black rat...

Edible dormouse...

Capybara...

Sei whale...

Blue whale...

Humpback whale...

Amazon river dolphin...

Killer whale...

Brown lemur...

Black lemur...

Emperor Tamarin...

Golden lion tamarin (My favourite animal of all: Please donate money to wildlife organisations)...

Olive baboon...

Eastern gorilla...

Western gorilla...

Bornean orang-utan...

Hairy armadillo...

Swamp rabbit...

Aye-aye...

Mexican howler monkey...

Monk saki...

Red fox...

Blanford's fox...

Kit fox...

Swift fox...

Fennec fox...

Crab-eating fox...

Raccoon dog...

Coyote...

Dingo...

Chihuahua...

Sloth bear...

Giant panda...

Przewalski's wild horse...

Javan rhinoceros...

Indian rhinoceros...

Black rhinoceros...

Warthog...

Hippopotamus...

Pygmy hippopotamus...

Dromedary...

Muskox...

Common rhea...

Emu...

Macaroni penguin...

Great northern diver...

Greater flamingo...

Puna flamingo...

Lesser flamingo...

Mute swan...

Mandarin...

Blue duck...

Muscovy duck...

Mallard...

Goosander...

Harpy eagle...

Philipine eagle (My favourite bird: Please donate money to wildlife organisations)...

Common pheasant...

Common peafowl...

Red jungle-fowl...

Tapaculos...

Antbirds...

Flukes...

Tapeworms...

Giant pacific octopus...

Ants...

Spider crabs...

Buthids...

Scorpionids...

Pseudoscorpions...

Wind-scorpions (Sun-spiders)...

Comb-footed spiders...

Huntsman spiders...

And...

Sea cucumbers...

Well...

Now that's over and done with I can get on to the bit about me...

I have pepper hair NOT grey...

I am small...

Small...

Very...

Small...

Well...

I'm not that small but...

I'm still small...

I have five fingers on each hand and a fingernail on each...

I like dance and rap music...

I like to read...

books...

magazines...

comics...

I like to draw...

draw things that are confidential and may not be seen by ordinary eyes...

Spies are welcome...
Oh...
My people want to talk to me...

Wait a sec...

Dum...

Dumdy Dum Dum...

Doo Doo Doo...

Dum Dum Doo...

La Di Da...

*chill out music drowns out shouting and screaming*

*something smashes*

*a glass breaks*

*chill out music stops*

*starts whistling*

Dum Dum Di...

Ah...

Yes...

I have had a very thorough talk with my government guards and agents and lawyers and I have come to a conclusion...

No spies allowed...

Full stop...

Trespassers will be shot...

Survivors will be shot again...

Survivors from that will be shot again...

And survivors from that will be shot one more time...

Survivors from that will be painfully and slowly tortured to death while answering how he/she survived the gun shots...

Survivors from that will be marked as a crazy mutant and tipped into a never-ending dark well...

Anyhoo...

I have a nose...

Last thing before I let you go...

You may also call me Johnny English...

And...

I have a poking license...

And you don't...

*poke*

*bump*

*poke*

*nudge*

*poke*

Well go and look at the other pages or i'll just have to stand here and poke you...

*poke*

Why are you still here?

*poke*

I'm getting real angry now...

*poke*

I'll give you to the count of three...

*poke*

ONE...

*poke*

TWO...

*poke*

THREE...

*poke*

ARGGGGGHHH!!!!!

*punch*

*shakes hand*

YOU HAVE JUST WON MY SPECIAL PRIZE!!!!!

FOLLOW THIS LINK TO MY EXTRA SPECIAL PRIZE WINNER WEBSITE!!!!!

www.getthehelloffofmywebsitebecauseidontlikeyouanymore.com

Chinese weaponry

rscrash94 — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 11:50:59 CDT

Now...

You may or may not know that I like China...

Anything to do with China...

Except Child Labour...

~YAY!!!~

I say no to child labour...

~Whoop!Whoop!~

When I conquer the whole world and evryone obeys me...

Then...

And only then...

Will child labour be abolished across the globe...

~Hmmm...~

*Confused looks pass along the audience*

Look...

Child labour will be gone...

That's good isn't it...

~Oh yeah tha'ts great, that's really good. WHOOP!~

But that can only happen when I bring the world to it's knees...

~Oh yeah, the dominating part, we're not so sure...~

Child labour gone...

~Oh yeah that's great, that's really good. WHOOP!~

Exactly...

So i'll have to dominate the world...

~Oh yeah, the dominating part, we're not so sure...~

Ok, ok...

This will make you understand...

I'll conquer the world...

~Oh yeah, the domi...~

Shush...

Don't interrupt...

Anyway...

I'll dominate the world and then i'll eradicate child labour...

Then it won't be just the children who work for a shiny silver penny...

Everybody will!

Isn't that great!

~Oh yeah that's great...~

~Wait...~

~No it's not...~

~WHAT!!!!!~

Oh just shut up...

All of you...

Anyhoo...

I like China...

Everything about it...

Except child labour...

But i'm not about to get into that again...

Ahem...

I like Chinese food...

Culture...

Toilets...

Ummmm...

I didn't say that...

Oh...

And weapons!

So I can cut down my foes in swift hackings...

MHUAHAHAHA!!!

So...

These are all Chinese weapons...
Not poncy

MHUAHAHAHA!!!

THE JIAN

The Jian is a double-edged straight sword used during the last 2,500 years in China.

These swords are one-handed but can come in larger two-handed versions, used in many styles of Ancient Chinese martial arts.

The average one-handed sword is approximately 70 cms long (28 inches) but can vary from 45 to 80 cm (17.7 to 31.5 inches) in length.

The average jian would weigh from 700 to 900 grams (1.5 to 2 pounds).

The hero's in Chinese wuxia movies (Chinese for martial arts)weapon of choice is normally a jian.

Like in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon the fictional jian, Green Destiny, played a major role.

In Chinese folklore it is known as 'The Gentleman of Weapons' and is considered one of the four major weapons.

Jokes

rscrash94 — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 11:11:05 CDT

Right-O!

I'm not gonna have a big long speech about this one...

Because everybody laughs at me...

And if everyone laughs at me...

I'll have to kill 'em all!

MHUAHAHAHA!

~If you don't like killing, why do it?~

It's not that I don't like killing you people...

It's just that then nobody will be able to watch the show...

With you all dead and such...

*Sigh...*

Oh...

What a boring show it would be then...

*Sigh...*

Oh well...

You're all alive except that guy I will kill later...

Yes...

One of you will die during the videos...

I can sense it...

Anyhoo...

Cue the jokes...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Shit, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

This blonde called 911, screaming "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".

The dispatch said "Mam, please calm down. I need to get some information from you".

Again the blonde yelled "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".

The dispatch said "Mam calm down, How do we get to your house?".

The blonde replied "Duh... In the big red truck".

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"

After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."

They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."

The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"

One day a blonde was driving on the highway and got pulled over by a cop. The cop said "Why do you keep swerving?" The blonde replied "I turn one way and there's a tree, I turn again there's a tree, and then there's a whole bunch more trees popping out of nowhere." The cop replied "You retard that's your air freshener."

Yo mama's so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone!

Yo mama's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear!

Yo mama's mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound!

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow she spits butter!

Yo mama's so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared!

Yo mama's so short she does backflips under the bed!

Yo mama's so short you can see her feet on her drivers licence!

Yo mama's so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo mama's so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed!

Yo mama's so greasy companies buy their Oil from her!

Yo mama's so flat she's jealous of the wall!

Yo mama's so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers!

Yo mama's so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning!

Yo mama's so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs!

Yo mama's so bald you can see whats on her mind!

A redneck family are visiting a big city for the first time.

The father ans son are in the hotel lobby when the spot an elevator.

"What's that Paw?" The boy asked.

"I ain't never did see nothin' like that in my life" Replied the father.

Seconds later an old frail woman walks in the hotel door and hobbles to the elevator. She presses the button with her cain, waits for the doors to open and gets in.

The father and son, still amazed by this contraption, continue to watch.

They hear a ping noise and the doors open again. Out steps a beautiful 20 year old busty blonde.

The father looks at his son and says "Go get your Maw !"

YOU LIKE?

Well...

You better like them...

UP NEXT...

THE VIDEOS!

Coming Very Soon!

rscrash94 — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 10:51:28 CDT

WELL...

Coming Soon are:
Finishing off the Chinese weaponry page!

A noodles page!

An ocarina page!

A random page!
A Marvel/DC series video subsidie!

And a GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE page!